Peek-a-boo and Brigid Too

Last night Adam and I read an interesting article together on Object-Relations Therapy that my mom had passed onto us. It was about the sort of psychological development that goes on at Brigid's age and it was fascinating. One of the most interesting things about it is that it's based on the theory that children figure out the fallen world starting in their first few weeks of life. Of course, the author, Sheldon Cashdan, PhD, didn't put it this way, he said, "According to modern object relations theory, splitting begins in the very early days, even hours, of life. The process begins with the infant's primitive division of the world into satisying and unsatisfying sensations: fullness is good, emptiness bad; warmth is good, cold bad, to be held is good, to be denied contact bad. Long before children are able to assign labels to what is good or bad, much less c onceptualize it, a primitive sensory intelligence exists that enables the child to recognize that the world - or whatever it is that is out there - is divided into good and bad (Myers, Clifton, & Clarkson, 1987; Ziajka, 1981). Before children are even aware that people exist, the foundations of their interpersonal worlds are being set down." - which amounts to figuring out the fallen world.

But since infants haven't figured out that there is an us-them in the universe - experience is all just a giant "me" - if their environment is mostly good, they'll figure that they are good, but if their environment is mostly bad, they'll figure that they are mostly bad. Which is why childcare in baby years is critical. The relationship a child has with his primary caretakers shapes his views for the rest of his life. The other interesting piece of this is that this is the picture of the world the child forms pre-linguistically, or before he has acquired the habit of interpreting his world in words. That, the psychologists theorize, is why years later, as adults, we have gut feelings that we "can't put into words", because they were gut feelings we were in the habit of feeling before we knew words.

All of this is especially interesting to me at the moment (as my mom knew it would be) because Brigid is beginning to hit the developmental stage of separation anxiety, or figuring out "mom's not me, mom can go away". But instead of the early infant reaction of "mom's gone, who's mom?" where she just forgets that I exist when she can't see me or hear me, she's beginning to remember, and so it's "Mom's gone, mom doesn't exist anymore" which is scary for her. And frustrating for her babysitters (go back to primary caretaker interaction being key, combine it with this, and you can see why constant daycare is a really bad idea. No primary relationship that stays stable, the poor kid is always having to switch. Confused environment=confused kid).

Of course, the fun part of this is that we can now play peek-a-boo with Brie and she gets it. She doesn't just forget us when I'm out of sight behind the blankie, and she's absolutely thrilled when I reappear, and chortles her glee at seeing me again.

Also, this morning while I was talking to my sister on the phone, I decided to experiment. I asked Laurel if she wanted to try talking to Brigid. The doting aunt thought this was a great idea. So I put the phone up to Brigid's ear, and Laurel started to chatter. Now, listen to how smart our girl is: the first thing Brie did was turn her head in the direction of the sound, looking for her Aunt Rho. Upon not finding her, the next thing she did was smile hugely, because she knew and loved the voice. It was really, really cute and I think our daughter is brilliant.

That and I might want to become a psychologist: this stuff is fascinating! (When we were sent the alumni survey from our university, I put my career down as being in the category of early childhood development.) Thanks for the article, Mom!